“KAMATIS” LOVE AFFAIR OF
PONCHING AND LINDA GORECHO
Atty. Dennis R. Gorecho
If I will submit the love story of my parents to “Maalaala Mo Kaya,” I will use the title “Kamatis.” The wedding line, “Till death do us part” will be replaced by “But death will not set us apart.” My mother, fondly called Mama Linda, died last year on May 17, 2002 due to pericarditis and lymphoma or cancer of the lymph nodes after almost a month of confinement at the Philippine Heart Center. A year and six months later, my father, Papa Ponching to many, died last year, November 16, 2003 a Sunday, due to pneumonia after being bedridden for almost eight months brought about by complications arising from an operation on his brain (hydrocephalus).
When we were growing up, I remember times when Mama scolded us, “Buti nga kayo di nyo naranasan ang magtinda ng kamatis sa palengke.” Then she would cry. Perhaps, this was her way of saying that whatever the benefits we were enjoying then were due to their hard work..This is something that children have to realize: that parents will sacrifice a lot for the future of the kids. If mama would say the “kamatis” story, Papa, on the other hand, would tell us stories when he was still a security guard in a government agency before they got married in July 1968. Papa was a security guard by day and a student by night taking up library science. When he graduated, he proceeded to be a librarian in the same office until he retired in early 1990s.
People wonder why we have several stuff in our house which Papa did not want to dispose, especially the shoes. Papa justified this by saying that while he was growing up, he never had the luxury of owning new ones since both he and mama came from a family with very modest means. He tried to instill this in us such that long before ukay-ukay became famous, we were already wearing secondhand clothes and shoes, sleeping on beds, sitting on chairs and sofas that papa bought from the secondhand shops in Bangkal. Seldom did we wear brand-new clothes, except maybe during Christmases when our Titas bought us clothing on an installment basis - one Tita would buy us pants while another took care of the shirts. Never mind the shoes, andyan naman ang Bangkal. We became the walking models for ukay-ukay.
All throughout their more than thirty years of marriage, we never saw them engage in physical fights. Although we were accustomed to Mama’s masungit and mataray lines, we knew that was just how they expressed their emotions: only through words and eye contact. Laging sinasabi ni Papa: Bago pa man magkasala si mama sa kanya (siguro sa pagiging mataray ni Mama) pinapatawad na nya si mama. If mama was angry, Papa would just step back. Di nya sasalubungin emotion ni mama. They have a reverse role: Mama took care of the financial well-being of the family while papa was in charge of the spiritual and emotional needs of the children. Mama was the breadwinner and Papa was the house caretaker.
When Mama died last year, depression ruled over Papa. He refused to go out of the house. He declined to attend the marriage encounter activities and family affairs. His reason was he did not want to remember the times when they used to attend affairs together. The only times when he did go out was during Sundays when we would go to Manila Memorial to visit Mama. After praying the Rosary, we walked around with his payong serving as tungkod. Then he would tell me stories of life, how proud he was of us, his children. He often stressed that he had nothing to give to us but our future. We did not have money but we had the respect of people, especially the fact that two of his sons entered the priesthood, Fr. Philip and Bro. Stephen. At first Mama could not accept the fact that two sons chose to serve the lord but later realized, according to Papa, that they gave up two sons but regained the whole religious order as their new sons and daughters. Tuwang-tuwa sya pag tinatawag sila na Papa and Mama Gorecho. They had five sons and one daughter, two enterered the priesthood, i became a lawyer and the other son went into photography, the business which Papa engaged into while he was alive. Papa too had the same number of siblings: they are four boys in a row and the youngest was also a girl. I was the counterpart of Papa being the second to the eldest.
On April 14, 2003, he was rushed to Las Piñas City Medical Center after falling down from the stairs — a day short of the one full year when we brought Mama for the first time to the hospital on April 15, 2002. He was diagnosed to be suffering from hydrocephalus or the accumulation of water in the upper part of his brain which is primarily due to a benign tumor located near his cerrebelum that blocked the passage of water . It was the part of the brain that controls sleep and balance. We were told that the tumor has been there for almost ten years already, years before Mama even showed signs that she had cancer. All the while we were looking at a wrong disease. We thought that his “laziness,” his sleeping most of the time and his difficulty in walking were manifestations of his diabetes. We were mistaken.
It was urgent. The pressure of the water in his brain was increasing which doctors said was manifesting through the hiccups. Something must be done or else the high volume of water will push his brain down to the passage way connecting the skull to the spine. If this happens, his heart and lungs will collapse and lead to his immediate death that week. We were given two options: to be more aggressive and remove the tumor or the S/P V-P shunting operation for the hydrocephalus, or have a tube implanted which will serve as the bypass of the water from the brain to his lower body. We opted for the shunting since it was less intrusive. It was performed on April 20, 2003. Fr. Philip, his eldest son, celebrated a mass inside his room before Papa was brought to the operating room. We never informed him of the existence of the tumor. Knowing papa, he would not have been able to accept the fact that he was suffering from a more serious disease than his diabetes.
Unfortunately, there were complications and he was placed in the ICU for pneumonia and fungal infection. Before he was brought inside the ICU, he said several times, “Para kina Kuya Wel ito, para makalakad uli ako.” He was at the ICU for six weeks — unconscious for almost two weeks. The tracheostomy tube was inserted in his throat but which was removed later. More than ten doctors attended to his medical condition. He was discharged on July 6, 2003 after almost two and a half months of confinement. However, he was again rushed to the Las Piñas City Medical Center on July 13, 2003 due to high fever and vomiting. He was reconfined due to progressing pneumonia. On July 30, 2003, he was intubated again and was placed in the ICU. On August 4, 2003, he was transferred to Philippine General Hospital ICU. A month later, September 5,2003, we brought him home. After more than two months of home care, he passed away last November 16, 2003 at 2:30 p.m.
During the time when he fell into unconsciousness for almost two weeks after the operation, we were briefed by the doctors that Papa might not be able to recover due to various factors. He had a slim chance of survival since in the scale of one to ten, ten being the highest, the level of pneumonia and infection was TEN. They informed us that in the event that Papa does not wake up in a certain number of days, there is the possibility that he will no longer go back to us. We were sort of given the choice whether to pull out the life-support machines if he does not wake up. Maybe he heard that warning. A day before the last day given to us, he begun showing signs that he was coming back. Slowly, we witnessed little movements from him, his eyes, his fingers, his eyebrows, his toes. Little movements but big hopes for us. Until he fully gained consciousness. When he was able to talk , the first words that came to his mouth was “Thank you doctor,” addressing to Dr.Colasito his neurosurgeon.We asked him what he remembered during the time that he was in coma. He said that he just remembered the voice of Beng-Beng or Bro.Stephen. Since Beng-Beng was based in Australia and he could come home due to his religious obligations there, I just I asked him to send us a cassette tape which recorded his recitation of the Holy Rosary, songs of praise and words of wisdom.
We realized that we could not shoulder papa’s hospitalization by ourselves alone. But we said, “God will provide. He will not give us a trial that we cannot handle.” So we sought assistance from all possible sources. We literally pleaded for help from our relatives and friends to help us financially. We begged for their help. I used my connections, especially people from my alma mater, UP Diliman and UP Law School. I released the letter of appeal which was circulated through the email. We sent letters to agencies like PAGCOR and PCSO. We organized a fundraising event at SITCOM BAR here in Las Pinas. I approached the Senators and Congressmen . We sought help from the religious community of my two priest brothers and the religious group where Papa and Mama were once active participants.
The story has it that if there is one priest in the family, the whole clan is blessed up to the third generation. In our case, we not only had one but two brothers into priesthood. Indeed, our faith and their vocation guided us. Money came not in an instant but it came at the appropriate time, meaning, there was not a instance when we ran out of money. It came at a time when we needed them. “Unti-unti” so to speak. Our friends and relatives described their donations as “small amounts of assistance.” However, those small amounts helped us a lot. Walang time na wala kaming nabubunot kung kelan kailangan naming may mabunot. We usually bought the medicines from drugstores outside the hospital every night. There was a time that we had to shell out P10,000 to 15,000 per day for medicines alone. Any delay in our delivery of the medicines was detrimental to papa’s condition since he would exhibit high fever, chills and uneasiness. There was a time when after I withdrew money from my ATM, what was left was less than a hundred pesos. I cried because I feared that we would not be able to buy the medicines and papa’s condition might worsen. But that evening or the morning after, help came. It happened a couple of times that financial assistance came when we needed them most. Hindi sila sabay sabay. We were able to raise almost P400,000.00 from different sources. Small amounts but when added gave us the financial help needed. Properties were sold. The day before we sold our piano to one of our relatives, I touched it for the last time. I cried because it had been there for more than a decade, sitting silently in our sala, but I never tried to learn how to use it. And we had to let it go. Maybe it’s true that you will never know the significance of something until you are faced with the reality that you will lose it.
The week before he was intubated for the second time on July 30,2003, it was also the week of the 35th wedding anniversary of Mama and Papa and also his birthday which was August 2. Days before the intubation. Papa started to say his “habilins.” He told Tita Fely to take care of us, his children. For Nina to take care of the aquarium fishes. For his clothes and shoes to be donated to my brothers’ religious order.
On July 29, he started touching my face. My nose, my lips, my eyebrows, my chin, my ears as if he wanted to feel how I grew up as his son. Many say that I am a photocopy of Papa. When I asked him why was he doing that, he told me that he just wanted me by his side. He said he felt alone, that we were not beside him most of the time. I answered back: “Papa, mali ka. Kaya kami wala madalas dito ay dahil gusto ka naming gumaling kaya naghahanap kami paraan para magamot ka” I told him he has to harvest the prayers of those who are praying for his recovery. That although he cannot see these people, their prayers are more important than their physical presence. I informed him that the doctors were amazed by how he survived his comatose status. He was in a very critical stage that doctors gave him a slim chance of survival. But because he has many prayer warriors, he came back to us. Then he pulled my head and placed it on his chest while he stroked my hair. That was the last time that I heard his voice. He was intubated the following day and fell into unconsciousness once more. The night before his 65th birthday, I sat beside him in the ICU. I waited for twelve midnight and sang “HAPPY BIRTHDAY” while holding his hands. I don’t know if he heard or saw me crying while greeting him happy birthday.
Then he was transferred to the PGH because we are already running short of finances. Doctors said that Papa might no longer return to his normal self. He would be unconscious most of the time. His diabetes was aggravating his condition. We had to bring him out because of the risk of hospital-acquired infection. We were warned that another infection will be fatal to Papa and he might not survive. After almost a month of confinement, we brought him home.
For almost six months, the hospitals became our home. My Tita Fely would be with my father in the morning until early afternoon upon the arrival of Nina. Then I would replace Nina early evening and would wait for the arrival of my brother Omay and sister Mayen before I go home after midnight after making sure that the medicines and other matters were properly addressed. Then Tita fely again would be there the following day.
At home, we’d lie down by his side whenever we were with him watching tv, telling stories, replacing his adult diaper, massaging him. He was stable for most of the time.
Then last week, he begun exhibiting signs of uneasiness and difficulty in breathing. There were tears in Papa’s eyes which I never saw during the past months. Last Friday, after a phone consultation between Tita Fely and his doctor, Dra. Masa, the latter suspected that Papa was again suffering from asphirate pneumonia. We opted to let him stay at home since she opined that there was no assurance that he will live long even if he will be placed in the ICU. The next day Papa’s rehabilitation doctor went to the house and examined papa. He noted that the bed sores were worsening so fast that they can no longer be healed. They were already reaching the rectum or the bone. There is also the cellulities or infection already in his bloodstream which is manifesting through the sugat appearing in different body parts, in his shoulders, in his private organs, in his toes. I feared that his diabetes will be a threat to this development. That there might come a time that we will have to amputate papa’s body one by one to address the infection. The doctor suggested that surgery be performed to lessen the bed sores but it will not stop their spreading. The doctor said that it’s a good thing that Papa was unconscious due to his tumor. Otherwise he will be shouting due to the tremendous pain brought by the bed sores.
I don’t know if the tears in his eyes meant that he was feeling the pain or that he knew that his death was coming and Mama was already fetching him. Maybe there were signs which we ignored since there were false alarms in the hospitals. An old lady wearing black stood one night in front of our house and pushed the doorbell several times. The rosary of Tita Fely broke while she was praying. The marble used for pounding the medicines of Papa fell and broke. Then that Sunday morning, the corner of the mirror which we were attaching to the wall in the lanai cracked. Papa listened to the Mass aired on TV that morning. Then I entered his room and laid down by his side and held his hands. I told him that he was not alone and he had to harvest the prayers of his prayer warriors. That we will go to Melbourne next year to visit Beng-Beng.
I was watching TV during lunchtime when I again saw the tears. I wiped them and I touched his hair, his nose, his eyebrows, his lips. Then out of nowhere, I said to myself “Papa kung di mo na kaya sige na sama ka na kay Mama.” During the times that I narrated to papa that I should have done more to keep Mama alive, Papa always told me that Mama did not want her heart to be opened. She was scheduled that day to undergo a major operation wherein the cover of her heart would be removed to prolong her life. Papa reassured me that I made the right choice not to continue with the revival of mama when she was in her death bed. I was asked by the doctors then if we still wanted to continue with the process of reviving her because she might be brain dead. Sabi nya “ Gusto mo bang makita nagdudusa mama mo?” then I said no. This came to my mind. If papa could only speak, babatukan nya ako at sasabihin masakit na sasama na ako kay mama.”
After less than three hours, he left us. He joined Mama in heaven and is now free from the earthly pains that he had been undergoing for the past eight months.
Papa could have been dead during the second week of April if not for that incident when he fell from our stairs. Maybe Mama pushed him so that the hydrocephalus and tumor could be detected.
Papa could have been dead during the two weeks he stayed at the ICU. Doctors described Papa as survivor. They said that with the degree of his pneumonia he had a 30-70 chance of survival. But we prayed and hung on to our faith.
Papa could have been dead when he was brought back to the hospital. But he opted to stay. He chose to die in our house. He chose to be with us during his last few days so that the “kamatis” story will not be forgotten.
We, Fr.Philip, Atty.Dennis, Omay, Bro.Stephen, Mayen, Papa’s sister Tita Fely, and his brother Tito Domeng give thanks to those who helped us one way or another during the last eight months of Papa. There is no doubt he is now in heaven with Mama , and that they will live happily ever after ‘til eternity.
"Try to visit "deathclock.com." The screen is done in dark colors and interspersed with silhouette of a church and tombstones. In the center it provides an input box where, if you want, you can type in your birth date and your gender (a bare minimum of information for such a vital calculation). You then click the OK button to see "your personal date of death" ticking away in seconds. The website sells these clocks, its logo says "… friendly reminder that life is slipping away... second by second."
When i saw the movie Crying Ladies, a heartwarming comedy film starring Sharon Cuneta and Angel Aquino,i guess every Filipino could relate the some of the scenes especially during the wake when Eric Quizon, the grieving son, has to relay the story behind the death of his father over and over again to the visitors, from one seat to another as if he is a replay of the previous scene the only difference is the person he was talking to. In DEd na Si Lolo, more than the superstitions, it was absurdly amusing how the family rationalized the traditions and worked their way around them.Yes, there’s fun in funerals. Even in grief, Filipinos never lose our sense of humor. Laughter helps us deal with our loss.In one way, it is good since it can be a form of releasing one's sadness. After having two funerals in two consecutive years, i realized that the said movies presented the "funny" side of death in the family. 
I told some during the wake that on the day Papa died was watching TV during lunchtime , I said to myself “Papa kung di mo na kaya sige na sama ka na kay Mama.” During the times that I narrated to papa that I should have done more to keep Mama alive, Papa always told me that Mama did not want her heart to be opened. She was scheduled that day to undergo a major operation wherein the cover of her heart would be removed to prolong her life. Papa reassured me that I made the right choice not to continue with the revival of mama when she was in her death bed. I was asked by the doctors then if we still wanted to continue with the process of reviving her because she might be brain dead. Sabi nya “ Gusto mo bang makita nagdudusa mama mo?” then I said no. This came to my mind. If papa could only speak, babatukan nya ako at sasabihin masakit na sasama na ako kay mama.” The he died three hours later as if he just wanted me to give him the go-signal after being bed ridden for eight months . 
SUPERSTITIONS AND BELIEFS RELATED TO DEATH 
- A beautiful flower or candle scent smelled in a home after a death of a beloved, means there's a spirit of the dead visiting who wants the relatives to know he/she's around. Pray for his/her soul
- Pregnant women should not have their picture taken; otherwise, their babies will die. 
- Tears must not fall on the dead or on the coffin; this will make the dead person’s journey to the next world a difficult one.
- If the dead person is a mother/father to an infant or a little child, pick up the child and pass him or her over the coffin, so the spirit won't appear to the child.
